I’m twenty-four years old. Every time someone asks me about my age, I still get shocked. A little. Once when I was a high-schooler, to be precise, at seventeen, twenty four made me feel safe. As if once I’m there things will get clearer, and I will be okay.
Every day grow harder. Being unsure what I want to achive. Not knowing how to stand strong on my feet. Wishing every day for things to be clearer. Doubting myself more. Feeling lost more than ever. Feeling insecure when many people around me seem to move on. Even when I try to convince myself that everyone is going through the same crisis. Everyone is having an issue at this age.
When I was in highschool I knew what I wanted, but things did not work. So I chose the safe plan. The easy plan. To go with the flow. After university I knew what I wanted, but things did not work, again. So I chose the safe plan. To be normal. To be as everyone else.
The more I read self help books the more lost I am. The more doubt I have. In myself. In the future that is in my hand.
“Live your day as if it’s the last” the person who said that seems to have an life easy. Or maybe things worked out for them. Because, lets be honest, if everyone though that today is their last day no one on this earth would want to be stuck at their office job, doing things an advance machine can take care of.
After-work nap has become my coping mechanism to forget. Forgetting that I have spent half of my day doing something I don’t even care about. To forget and slip in to the dream world. At least its temporary. I can slip in and out.
Sometime I think, how can a person live life? Is there a balance between the things you like and things you don’t. In which you can never have a perfect life.
I’m twenty-four years old, and I still don’t know what to do with my life. I still change my goal. I still doubt myself. I’m still lost.